Laymon Books I've Read

Well, at least it was an improvement on 'The Cellar' which was truly awful. Mind you, it's still very 'Laymon' by which I mean it's like a 14-15 boy wild on hormones got hold of his first word processor and started banging out his wildest sexual fantasies. Characters are once again paper thin and fall in 'love' in an instant.... by which I mean screw each others brains out, irregardless of what was happening 5 minutes before hand. More misogyny and (attempted) rape. More idiocy from the characters in terms of behavior and choices. Etc, etc.

No, no, no, no...bad Laymon. Baaaaaad. Okay, this isn't the worst book I've ever read, but for a Laymon book, it's distinctly horrible, in extremely bad taste, and too dull in too many sections to give it that zap! and zing! I've come to expect from him. The late Richard Laymon is always my go-to guy for a pulpy, sometimes sleazy, never politically correct but always satisfying horror romp. There's just something so delightfully wicked and deranged about his straightforward, shoot from the hip, slice like a razor blade prose that puts you right into the action and hardly ever relents until the last page is turned. Once upon a time, Stephen King referred to his own work as the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and fries. Not a chance Mr. King; even on your worst day you offer up something rich and tasty with complex flavor profiles that linger long in the memory luring readers back over and over again for repeated tastings. Laymon's books, however (and I love them for this) are a cheeseburger and fries that you wolf down and perhaps groan in pleasure while doing so, then lie back for a satiated moment of stoned out bliss. You'd never want to subsist entirely on a diet of Laymon books, but Jesus, who doesn't get a craving every now and then for an injection of grease and carbs?But god help you if you get a bad burger and spend the night in the john or grasping that bottle of Pepto Bismol in your weak and shaky hands (I'm definitely taking this metaphor too far, but seriously, I feel like I just ate a bad burger, and I'm not happy about it). The indigestion is leaving me a little pissy and put out. This book has its moments that salvage it from the garbage heap completely -- the last section in the Funhouse is pretty messed up and unfolds nicely with Laymon's characteristic cinematic style. Why more of his books have not been made into movies is beyond me. They are the perfect fodder for the slasher crowd. But for the most part, this book is too slow to really get started. The characters are mostly terrible and so dislikable it kept making me curl my lip in distaste. I've pretty much gotten used to Laymon's standard sex-obsessed male adolescent who ogles all the female characters and thinks nasty, inappropriate things about them in his mind. Doesn't matter if death is breathing down your neck or some monster is crawling up out of the floor, if there's any chance of getting laid, these male characters will never pass up an opportunity to cop a feel or make out. This time the level of inappropriate hormone-driven angst is ridiculous, and insulting. The comments made about the girls drove me bananas! Maybe I'm just getting too old for this shit. All I know is my tolerance for blatant male chauvinism bordering on misogyny has whittled down to zero. Laymon tries to balance this with "strong" female leads who are the heroes of the story, but it wasn't enough to tip the scales for me. Furthermore, there are huge, long, meandering sections supposedly reserved for "character development" but do much more to bog the story down than enrich it in any way. Sorry Laymon my man. Rest in peace and all, but this one is a real miss for me.

For some inexplicable reason I'm repeatedly drawn back to Laymon's work, every year or two, even though I'm batting way below the Mendoza line* as far as the hit/miss ratio. I think I like the idea of Laymon more than I enjoy reading him, much of the time. The idea of reading brainless, B slasher movies in novel form, filled with hopelessly stupid (and hopelessly horny) teens who get offed one by one seems fun as hell. But the actual reading of them can sometimes be a chore, as the characters are usually so moronic that you can't help but root for them to die, which is fine when watching a movie, but reading a novel requires -- at least for me -- some sort of connection with/sympathy for the characters, especially in a horror novel.This one's an early work of his, and you can tell because it's short and moves fast -- one of the only things I liked about it. There aren't nearly as many wasted pages compared with his 90s work, where he'd stretch out a 200-page story to near-epic length. I think his writing skills did improve over the years, but he also learned to pad the hell out of his novels, as became the norm in horror in general.The basic story is that there are new films being shown at the Haunted Palace movie theater, but these aren't your typical horror films -- they're quick little bursts of terror and violence, and very realistic. Almost like snuff films. These shorts are very popular among the younger crowd, until some of them become potential fodder for the next "movie." Brit thinks she recognizes an old friend in one of the films, a friend she suddenly can't get a hold of. Of course this friend was "killed" in the movie, and Brit wonders if maybe it was real, so she decides to investigate..This is definitely lower-tier Laymon -- not offensively bad, but not good either, imo. It's just sorta there, in the typical "making it up as he goes along" Laymon way, throwing anything and everything at the wall to see what sticks. The characterization is paper thin compared to his later novels, but I'd actually take that over 500 pages of the depraved thoughts of virtually every (male) Laymon character ever. It's also pretty light, not nearly as sadistic and gross as some of his other work. But I usually find that, compared with similar authors like Jack Ketchum or Bryan Smith, I'm never actually disturbed or unsettled when reading his work, as it's all so silly and over-the-top in its depiction of violence.** And there's nothing wrong with a light, fun horror read. Hell, I've read enough of them, so I must enjoy them at least some. But this one's a little too light, and even though I just read it, it's already fading from memory, just like my last few Laymon reads. So I think I'm officially done with him, finally.Until next time.2.0 Stars*That's a baseball reference that means a batting average that's very, very bad, named after a Pirates shortstop from the 70s who was very, very bad and should feel bad. In case any of you reading this are non baseball-loving heathens.**All this makes it sound as if I hate all of Laymon's work, which isn't the case. I especially enjoy his late 80s novels, before they became too bloated, such as his books under the name Richard Kelly -- Midnight's Lair and Tread Softly (i.e. Dark Mountain) -- as well as Flesh and The Stake (from 1990, which is about the time when his tendency to pad started to rear its ugly head). But those were all earlier reads in my Laymon past, and I sometimes wonder if I'd have liked them as much if I'd read them later on, once I had gotten used to his schtick.

Formerly friendly neighbors turn to crazed maniacs. A stranger at a gas station shoves a nozzle down a customer's throat and pulls the trigger. A soaking-wet line of movie-goers smashes its way into a theater to slaughter the people inside. A loving wife attacks her husband, still beating his head against the floor long after he's dead. As the rain falls, blood flows in the gutters -- and terror runs through the streets.

Laymon's restored version of his 1992 horror novel that tells of a group of former college friends who hold a reunion at a deserted resort lodge only to find they're sharing it with a maniac. — They meet for one week every year, five young women, best friends since college, in search of fun and thrills. Each year they choose a different place for their reunion. This year it's Helen's choice, and she chose the Totem Pole Lodge. Bad choice. The Totem Pole Lodge is a deserted resort hotel deep in the woods with a gory, shocking past Helen has a macabre streak and she can't wait to tell her friends all about what happened at the lodge and why it's now abandoned. But Helen and the others are in for a nasty surprise. The resort isn't quite as deserted as they think. And not all the gruesome events at the Totem Pole Lodge are in its past. The worst are still to come....

'If you've missed Laymon, you've missed a treat' Stephen King.Twenty minutes before the quake hit, Stanley was ogling Sheila through his living-room window. Now he may be able to do more than just ogle ... Sheila's trapped in her ruined house and her husband and daughter are stranded on the other side of the city. The power's down, the emergency services can't cope and the lawless are combing the ruins. Sheila's fate depends on who can get to her first...

When a horror author and his wife, along with their friends, visit Sagebrush Flats, a ghost town near their home, they stumble upon a truly bizarre discovery - the withered corpse of a woman with a stake driven through her heart. Was she a vampire? The only way to find out is to pull the stake, see if she reanimates.The blurb on the back of this delightful novel ( in my opinion, one of Laymon's best) has to be one of the worst I have read This book has several storylines woven together, and it takes a while to pick up steam, but when it does, look out.Though slow at times, this book really delivers some excellent writing, a great cast of characters, a heaping dollop of wry humor, and some chilling horror.As I read through Laymon's immense output, I often find him to be hot or miss, never totally bad, sometimes brilliant.The Stake is high on the awesome list for me. I would say it holds its own with some of Laymon's other gems, like ISLAND, AFTER MIDNIGHT and BODY RIDES.Fun, crazy and disturbing, never takes itself too seriously.My only gripe is that there are multitudinous rehash scenes. There always seems to be a character who needs to be brought up to snuff on what happened in the previous chapter. I found myself skimming through in several places, but if you read Laymon, this is nothing new.

It started as a game. Six college kids at a party. Then someone suggested they try the Ouija board. The board that Corie had hidden in the back of her closet and sworn never to touch again. Not after what happened last time. Not after Jake's death...They were only playing around, but the Ouija board worked all right. Maybe too well. A spirit who called himself Butler began to send them messages - and make demands. Butler promised them a hidden treasure if only they would follow his directions and head off to a secluded spot in the mountains... a wild, isolated spot where anything could be waiting for them. Treasure or death. Or Butler himself.

Brinkley Springs is a quiet little town. Some say the town is dying. They don't know how right they are. Five mysterious figures are about to pay a visit to Brinkley Springs. They have existed for centuries, emerging from the shadows only to destroy. To kill. To feed. They bring terror and carnage, and leave blood and death in their wake. The only person that can prevent their rampage is ex-Amish magus (and fan favorite character) Levi Stoltzfus. As the night wears on, Brinkley Springs will be quiet no longer. Screams will break the silence. But when the sun rises again, will there be anyone left alive to hear?

Ketchum is quite satisfying when I reach for his stories; the horror and gore are based on things that with some stretch of really bad luck could really happen to someone which he balances on that too close to comfort crossing line perfectly. Joyride has a few murderers in it and some you hate and despise and the others you root for, crazy yes, you do want some of the characters to be okay, the story is twisted and even though it’s a good read it’s not his most visceral. This goes easy on the usual Ketchum gore and focuses on speedy shock and a thriller to keep the reader alert thought the tale, as usual there is more than one story line going on and sooner or later they join for an interesting ending. This was originally published under the title of “Road Kill” in the nineteen nineties in the UK and the flavor of the story reflects the place and time of its publishing, you get the darkness and the battle between good and evil or in this case evil and lesser evil based on the characters and who’s on top versus on who’s more of a mad man chopping and killing like in his previous works, here the mental games take over the pain of the flesh that he can make real very easily. Howard is a sick young man on the killing spree of his life, traveling with him is Carol and Lee, you know why he takes them when you start the story and absorb their sticky and stressful backgrounds. He takes them on a ride but in this case the journey is more important than the destination, it’s either them or random innocents who will get their share of bad luck for the day, Ketchum makes this an addictive read that’s hard to put down and one that stays in the memory for a while. You pick who you root for, both sides have their black acts and it doesn’t take too long for some very bad things to start happening to some random good people and a few damaged souls in need of a new start. This was a fast and easy read, not the most potent from Ketchum but then again this is the same man who wrote Off Spring which was the most insanely gross and intense book ever in a good way if you love horror, so perhaps it’s not such a bad thing. - Kasia S.

In a suburb of Chicago, Albert Prince parks on a dark street thinking he's about to get lucky with Betty — only to find out she wants cash, not romance. — And Albert is a few bucks short. — "Dig up the rest of the money tomorrow," says Betty, "and give me a call. We'll have a great time tomorrow night." — But Albert won't be seeing Betty tomorrow night.He'll be having a great time without her ... in a stranger's house ... with a beautiful woman ... with a knife.Albert Prince has one passion in life: he loves to cut people. He's about to leave a trail of blood from Chicago to California.

Hell is a city. Forget the old-fashioned sulphurous pit you may have read about. Over the millennia, Hell has evolved into a bustling metropolis with looming skyscrapers, crowded streets, systemized evil, and atrocity as the status quo.Cassie thought she knew all about Hell. But when her twin sister, Lissa, committed suicide, Cassie found that she was able to travel to the real thing—the city itself. Now, even though she's still alive, Cassie is heading straight to Hell to find Lissa. And the sights she sees as she walks among the damned will never be in any tourist guidebook.

Something very strange is happening in LeHorn's Hollow... Eerie, piping music is heard late at night, and mysterious fires have been spotted deep in the woods. Women are vanishing without a trace overnight, leaving behind husbands and families. When up-and-coming novelist Adam Senft stumbles upon an unearthly scene, it plunges him and the entire town into an ancient nightmare. Folks say the woods in LeHorn's Hollow are haunted, but what waits there is far worse than any ghost. It has been summoned...and now it demands to be satisfied.

Jody is pretty tough for a sixteen-year-old girl. That's the only reason she's still alive - for now. She was sleeping over at her friend Evelyn's house when a group of killers broke in and tried to slaughter everyone. She saw Evelyn spitted on a spear, but Jody managed to escape, along with Evelyn's little brother, Andy. — Simon was one of the killers that gruesome night. His friends have left it up to him to find the only living witnesses to their massacre. Or else they'll butcher his family next. But Simon has his own reasons for wanting to get his hands on Jody...

It's a hot, hot night. Too hot to be making love unless your romance is young, like Sherry and Duane's. It's their first time but there's just one problem - they have no condoms. Of course they could wait until tomorrow... Duane remembers the all-night Speed-D-Mart. In the usual circumstances, it's not a place anyone would want to visit at night. But these aren't usual circumstances. Duane throws on his clothes - the store is just ten minutes down the block. Now Sherry is waiting. Ten minutes has gone, so has twenty. She's not worried - what's another few minutes? Then she hears the noise from down the street. It might be a door slamming. It might be the backfire of a car. But Sherry thinks it sounds mostly like a gunshot...

1:00 So what to do now? Feeling kinda happy from the whiskeys. Maybe read some trash? 1:15 Chose Allhallow’s Eve, not sure why. Checked out some Goodreads reviews. All bad.1:30 This is fun. Killer on the loose, mysterious Halloween party on the horizon. FUN!1:45 Tight pacing. Nice build-up. Why don’t people like this?2:00 Sleazy. All the boobs! Boobs, boobs, boobs. Laymon loves that word, all the time, all over the place.2:05 More whiskey?2:15 Too much boobs, sweet Jesus, enough already. Also, so many douchebags.2:45 Kill these douchebags already! Even the teen hero is a miserable, creepy little creep.3:15 Scene with writer & wife trapped in the bathroom was great. Quick-thinking writer!3:30 What the hell just happened? Man oh man.4:30 Party massacre was awesome, great ending! Wait, it’s 4:30 in the fucken morning?A really fucken different version of this review appears in a Richard Laymon “article” posted on Shelf Inflicted

Melvin was definitely the biggest creep in Ellsworth High, and the other kids mercilessly taunted him for his odd looks and weird behaviours. Vicki was the only one to stand up for him but even she had to admit he'd gone too far when he dug up a body and attempted to bring it back to life with the aid of a car battery. — Years later Vicki still has nightmares about Melvin's "joke" and now that she's back in Ellsworth, she knows she'll have to see him again. Recently released from a mental institution, Melvin is acting stranger than ever. His experiments with the dead have progressed and as soon as he can get Vicki - or rather her body - where he wants her, he can realize his most chilling dream of all...

Neal has been carrying a gun in his car lately - just to be safe. And it looks like it's a good thing he has. When he spots a woman tied naked to a tree and a man ready to kill her, he has no choice but to shoot the attacker. As a reward, the woman gives Neal something unimaginable. Neal's reward is a bracelet. A very special bracelet. It enables its wearer to step inside other people, to see through their eyes, to feel whatever they feel. To take "body rides". But Neal has a big problem. The man he shot isn't dead. And he wants revenge. First he's going to finish what he started with the woman. Then he's going after Neal...