Books like Keeping You a Secret

***I have added an update to this review, please scroll to the bottom to view!Honestly, I didn't know what I was getting into when I plucked this book from the Kobo Store. I was bored last night, waiting for my sister so we can fire up our little New Year's Eve party, and decided to flip through a short book on my phone. I was feeling like a contemporary so looked up the genre and got a bunch of hits. There was no synopsis' on the kobo site, so I picked this book because the cover reminded me of My Sister's Keeper and the name sounded mysterious. Wow. This book is so Strong. It has so much love, so much hate. Wow.here we have a book about a girl who has her whole life together: Student Body President, A+ average student, a dedicated boyfriend, a mother who is down her throat to get her to apply to only the best universities out there.... What more could she want? She asks herself that when she first glances at a new student, Cece, from her locker mirror.I don't think I've felt a love so.. raw. so real inside my gut. This isn't just a love story, nor a 'coming out' story. It's a story about finding yourself when you weren't even looking. That life can take you by surprise even in the most unexpected moments. I've read some books that have made me feel this way, but god. It was so real. The author really dives you into Holland's shoes. She lets you feel the confusion battling with the love. The denial yet the pure desire. I really liked Holland. She wasn't one of those crazy denial freaks. She denied it for a little bit internally, but still let the desire consume her mind. it was a constant battle; a real one. I liked that no one had to tell Holland to come out. Or notice it on her, or her confusion and help her through it. She didn't even label herself, she didn't fricken care. She was falling for that chick who ate donuts by her locker early in the morning, and jammed out to the Dixie Chicks right across from her every day. I liked that. She wasn't coming out as a lesbian, but she was discovering a love. It made all the difference.At one point when she admits that she loves Cece, she stops for a second and thinks what? I'm... gay? Like she had no clue that falling in love with Cece officially made her a lesbian. What a beautiful story. I felt every single emotion in my gut. It was almost unbearable.The fact that Cece didn't come on to Holland, or push her into admitting she's gay and falling for her, and that Holland went to Cece all on her own... it was moving.I think the best way to describe it is personal. It was so damn personal. You WERE Holland in between those pages. No one else. You weren't on that sofa with your family and the TV or the radio weren't on, everything else was gone when you were inside Holland's head and heart.The most empowering part, after going through half the book and being embraced with Holland's emotions the whole time, that moment when she took the final step and finally, wholeheartedly admitted to herself and to Cece the truth, when she told Cece she wanted to kiss her, it felt like bombs going off in my stomach. because you could read the beginning over and over, and know the truth, but Holland never put it out there. She never once said inside her head Okay I'm gay and I'm in love with Cece. I want her now. No. Not once. It was only after that need took a hold of her and she kissed Cece, that's when it all came together.It's hard to explain without experiencing it, so here's what I mean:\ Swimming. Up, down, counting strokes. one, two, three, four. breathe in, breathe out. Her.Everything was her. The light, the dark, the day, the night. Her. Her.She was my first thought in the morning, my last thought at night. She'd taken possession of my soul. She was inside of me, consuming me, compelling me to--what?Drown it out. Fight the force. You can do it Holland, you're strong. Resist. You can beat the forces of nature. You have to.Swim. Stroke. Count. Count.Can't. Can't. Can't.[60 sum pages later]Then it happened. that electric current surged between us, through me, and tugged at my core. The pull was so fierce, I couldn't fight it. Didn't want to. She was close, so close, her head right next to mine. I could hear her breathing, feel her heart beating. The outside air was cold, but that's not what was making me tremble."Cece." My voice sounded raw, whispery."Hmm?"I turned to face her, jamming my shoulder into the brick. "I want--" I stopped. I couldn't say it. Couldn't take that step.She twisted her head and opened her eyes. 'What Holland? What do you want?"I was shaking so hard. Do it. Do it. Do it now. "I want to kiss you."\ I read this whole damn thing in one night. I couldn't stop. I read until 4 am, and gawked at the page when I was done. Then didn't sleep for another hour because I was thinking about it. I was shocked. Mostly because I wasn't expecting a Lesbian love story. Mostly because I wasn't expecting it to be so damn good and moving and heartbreaking.If you want to feel what true love feels like, right in the pit of your stomach, read this book. I can't even begin to explain.**UPDATE**: I have come back to this review three years later, seeing as I still get email notifications on comments/likes on it, and I have decided to share the rest of my story seeing as so many people are seeing this review.After reading this novel, there was an unusual weight on my chest for the week to follow and I couldn't put my finger on it for the first little while... until I finally did. It is October 2015 and I am 20 years old, and I first read and reviewed this novel in January 2013 at 17 years old; In that time, I have managed to graduate high school, buy my first car, graduate college with a diploma in Public Relations, start a career, plan my move to the United Kingdom-- but most importantly-- come out as openly gay. I do owe lots of that to friends and family that were by my side while I found myself, but I could never forget that my coming out journey started with Keeping You a Secret and Julie Anne Peters-- and for that, I am always thankful. I knew before I read this book, but I didn't truly KNOW until I read it. I couldn't stop thinking about it and it made me feel different. I went on to read a few more LGBT based books and every time I had the same little flutter in my chest... it didn't take long to look into myself a little deeper and figure it out. So, Julie, Thank you for this gem of a novel. For anyone reading this and is having a similar experience as I was, and is probably as scared as I was... you'll be okay. Don't be afraid of your secret. I am 20, I am out, I am preparing to move to London, England with the woman I love, and I started here too... just like you.**Nov. 2016***WOW! I still receive notifications for likes on this review today. If you like my words, please feel free to follow my writing journey on modernworldclub.com :) I appreciate the support!