Books like The Big Leap: Conquer Your Hidden Fear and Take Life to the Next Level

Holy fuckety fuck, I wish I'd read this two years ago! Self-sabotage? Success/crash cycle? It's in there! Finally, an explanation! I'm only in chapter 2, but so far it's pure gold. Can't wait to read the rest and solve my shit!...Finished. Loved it. I give this my highest recommendation. Even for people who don't sabotage their own happiness and success, there's a lot of great stuff in here about making the most of your life.Here's what it means for me:I upper-limit myself because I believe I'm fundamentally flawed and because I'm afraid success will bring with it greater burdens than I can handle. About the first one, he says, "The fear of being fundamentally flawed brings with it a related fear. It’s the fear that if you did make a full commitment to living in your Zone of Genius, you might fail. It’s the belief that even your genius is flawed, and that if you expressed it in a big way, it wouldn’t be good enough. This belief tells you to play it safe and stay small. That way, if you fail, at least you fail small."As I read that, I realized I'm not just afraid of failing, I'm afraid my genius is so flawed, if I express it in a big way, I'll bring down some kind of curse from the universe onto myself and everyone around me. (WTH? Where did I get that???)There also may be someone I'm afraid of out-shining, but I can't think of anyone.Common ways of upper-limiting yourself:1. Worry. If it's not about something real that you can act on immediately, it's just a way to stop yourself from being happy. Drop it and look for the positive thing that's trying to come through.2. Criticism. Usually what you're criticizing someone about is not the real issue. If it's not "please stop standing on my foot now," it's just a way to keep from being too happy.3. Deflection. Even if you think you sucked, accept the compliment. Add on your "I wish I had done better ____" at the end if you must--AFTER you've let the positivity in.4. Arguing. Especially money arguments--almost never about the thing you're arguing about. Fights are about who's the bigger victim.5. Illness and injuries. Obviously, some are real, but many are produced by our own minds to punish, protect, or prevent something.The commitment:I commit to living in my Zone of Genius, now and forever.What is your zone of genius? The things you're great at AND love doing. The answer to "if there were no constraints and you could do anything you wanted, what would you do?"To look for it, answer these questions:1. What do I most love doing?2. What work do I do that doesn't seem like work?3. In my work, what produces the highest ratio of abundance and satisfaction to amount of time spent?4. What is my unique ability? (special skill--superpower)For unique ability,1. I'm at my best when I'm _____2. When I'm at my best, the exact thing I'm doing is ____3. When I'm doing that, the thing I love most about it is ____Say an enlightened no to things outside your zone of genius.The mantra:I expand in abundance, success, and love every day, as I inspire those around me to do the same. Don't be surprised if it seems untrue and your mind starts arguing with it. That's expected! If you stick with it, eventually it will become believed/true.Once you transcend your upper limits and move into your zone of genius, it's a continuous upward-floating spiral. But it's something you have to keep practicing all the time. Keep re-committing.To really master your life, switch from Newtonian time to Einsteinian time: time is not outside of me, I make time. I'm where time comes from. I can produce as much as I need. If I think I don't have time for something, it's really because I don't want to do it. What am I not taking ownership of?To have awesome relationships:- make plenty of time for yourself (separately)- put a priority on speaking the microscopic truth, especially re emotions.- don't try to stifle emotions (ex. "don't cry!")- lots of affection- after intense intimacy, come back to earth by dancing, walking, or something physical, not by crashing (fight or accident)- form a No-Upper-Limits conspiracy of >=3 friends.Highlights (many missing--apparently not sync'd, but all visible together in Kindle):- Highlight on Page 11 | Loc. 148-50 | Added on Sunday, January 27, 2013, 10:08 AMIn my life I’ve discovered that if I cling to the notion that something’s not possible, I’m arguing in favor of limitation. And if I argue for my limitations, I get to keep them. Ultimately we have to ask ourselves, “What’s the payoff for arguing forcefully for our limitations?” ==========- Highlight on Page 17 | Loc. 225-28 | Added on Sunday, January 27, 2013, 10:21 AMThere’s only one way to get through the fog of fear, and that’s to transform it into the clarity of exhilaration. One of the greatest pieces of wisdom I’ve ever heard comes from Fritz Perls, MD, the psychiatrist and founder of Gestalt therapy. He said, “Fear is excitement without the breath.” Here’s what this intriguing statement means: the very same mechanisms that produce excitement also produce fear, and any fear can be transformed into excitement by breathing fully with it. ==========- Highlight on Page 18 | Loc. 231-35 | Added on Sunday, January 27, 2013, 10:23 AMThe best advice I can give you is to take big, easy breaths when you feel fear. Feel the fear instead of pretending it’s not there. Celebrate it with a big breath, just the way you’d celebrate your birthday by taking a big breath and blowing out all the candles on your cake. Do that, and your fear turns into excitement. Do it more, and your excitement turns into exhilaration. I find it very empowering to know that I’m in charge of the exhilaration I feel as I go through life. I bet you will, too. ==========- Highlight on Page 22 | Loc. 276-79 | Added on Sunday, January 27, 2013, 10:29 AMIf you focus for a moment, you can always find some place in you that feels good right now. Your task is to give the expanding positive feeling your full attention. When you do, you will find that it expands with your attention. Let yourself enjoy it as long as you possibly can. As you get more practice, you will be able to use this radical act of appreciation in other areas such as money and love. ==========- Highlight on Page 29 | Loc. 356-57 | Added on Sunday, January 27, 2013, 10:39 AMThe best way to handle most things in your Zone of Incompetence is to avoid doing them altogether. ==========- Highlight on Page 31 | Loc. 372-73 | Added on Sunday, January 27, 2013, 10:40 AMIt’s worthwhile to do something you’re not good at if the intention is to enjoy or master it. ==========- Highlight on Page 37 | Loc. 433-35 | Added on Sunday, January 27, 2013, 02:32 PMThere is something important you should know about the Upper Limit Problem: when you attain higher levels of success, you often create personal dramas in your life that cloud your world with unhappiness and prevent you from enjoying your enhanced success. This is the Upper Limit Problem at work. ==========- Highlight on Page 43 | Loc. 497-500 | Added on Sunday, January 27, 2013, 02:38 PMHere’s a new way: when the big stuff comes up, ask your partner if she or he is willing to join you as an equal partner on a learning journey. If the answer is yes, you join together in a relationship of true possibility. If she or he is more committed to being right than to actual, real intimacy, the answer will be something other than yes. Then you must move on, and be quick about it. ==========- Highlight on Page 48 | Loc. 552-54 | Added on Sunday, January 27, 2013, 02:43 PMThe fear of being fundamentally flawed brings with it a related fear. It’s the fear that if you did make a full commitment to living in your Zone of Genius, you might fail. It’s the belief that even your genius is flawed, and that if you expressed it in a big way, it wouldn’t be good enough. This belief tells you to play it safe and stay small. That way, if you fail, at least you fail small. ==========- Note on Page 48 | Loc. 553 | Added on Sunday, January 27, 2013, 02:44 PMnot just .might fail. . might brimg the curse of the umiverse down on myself and those around me. yikes.==========- Highlight on Page 52 | Loc. 600 | Added on Sunday, January 27, 2013, 05:19 PMHidden Barrier no. 3: Believing That More Success Brings a Bigger Burden ==========- Note on Page 52 | Loc. 600 | Added on Sunday, January 27, 2013, 05:20 PMto you. greater exxpectations. more responsibility==========- Highlight on Page 53 | Loc. 607-8 | Added on Sunday, January 27, 2013, 05:21 PMThe moment I made my appearance in the world, I was greeted with two big mixed messages: you’re a burden; and you’re a celebration. ==========- Highlight on Page 55 | Loc. 635-38 | Added on Sunday, January 27, 2013, 05:23 PMdon’t shine too much, or you’ll make others feel bad or look bad. The gifted child is often convicted of stealing attention from other members of the family. One unconscious solution gifted children devise is to turn down the volume on their genius so the others don’t feel threatened by it. The other solution is to continue to shine brightly but turn down the volume on their enjoyment of it. ==========- Highlight on Page 92 | Loc. 1033-36 | Added on Monday, January 28, 2013, 09:55 AMMany physical symptoms such as headache and back pain are warning signs, like the flapping and wobble of a flat tire when you’re driving on the highway. The symptoms are saying, Slow down, stop what you’re doing, and pay attention, because there’s something out of integrity here. ==========- Highlight on Page 93 | Loc. 1042-45 | Added on Monday, January 28, 2013, 09:56 AMHere’s the bottom line on prevention and protection: when you suffer symptoms of illness or experience an accident, you often do so because you’re unconsciously trying to prevent yourself from having to do something you don’t really want to do and/or protect yourself from something you don’t want to feel. ==========- Highlight on Page 96 | Loc. 1075-77 | Added on Monday, January 28, 2013, 09:59 AMThe next time you find yourself with a stomachache, a throbbing head, or a stubbed toe, ask yourself if you might be Upper-Limiting. Sometimes a headache’s just a headache, but often if you look a little deeper you’ll find that it’s an expression of your Upper Limit Problem. Then, it’s a signal that you need to expand instead of contract. It’s telling you that it’s time to open up and embrace a new high-water mark of positive energy that’s trying to establish itself in you. Underneath the headache might be an insight that is as powerfully positive as the pain is negative. ==========- Highlight on Page 97 | Loc. 1090-92 | Added on Monday, January 28, 2013, 10:00 AMLong before morality came into play, the original definition of integrity had to do with wholeness and completeness. To be in integrity meant you were whole and complete. To be out of integrity meant a breach in your wholeness had occurred; there was a gap in your completeness. ==========- Highlight on Page 102 | Loc. 1141-43 | Added on Monday, January 28, 2013, 10:04 AMEarly in my work on transcending my own Upper Limit, I made a key discovery: if I could consider, even for a moment, that I was not upset for the reason I thought I was, I could break out of the trance I was in. Then, I could begin to see what the real issues were. ==========- Highlight on Page 106 | Loc. 1188-92 | Added on Monday, January 28, 2013, 10:07 AMHere’s something I’ve learned from many experiences of helping people resolve conflicts. Under the surface of most conflicts, you’ll find that the warring parties are actually feeling the same deeper emotions. Two people may be locked in an angry conflict for weeks. When they get beneath the roiled surface of the issue, however, they discover that the real issue is that they’re both sad about something they’ve both kept hidden. They’ve been so locked into proving each other wrong that they haven’t taken a moment to contact the true heart of the issue. ==========- Highlight on Page 107 | Loc. 1200-1207 | Added on Monday, January 28, 2013, 07:59 PMTo find these breaches and restore wholeness, we need to get good at asking questions like these: Where do I feel out of integrity with myself? What is keeping me from feeling complete and whole? What important feelings am I not letting into my awareness? Where in my life am I not telling the full truth? Where in my life have I not kept my promises? In my relationship with _____________________, what do I need to say or do to feel complete and whole? ==========- Highlight on Page 110 | Loc. 1230-31 | Added on Monday, January 28, 2013, 08:55 PMIf you’re willing to adopt a playful attitude toward yourself and your shortcomings, you can make extraordinarily rapid progress. ==========- Highlight on Page 111 | Loc. 1240-58 | Added on Monday, January 28, 2013, 10:10 PMHere’s what I recommend for daily action steps. These specific actions will keep you on track and on the fast track to living in your Zone of Genius. Make a commitment to keeping an attitude of wonder and play while learning about your Upper Limit behaviors. Say this sentence in your mind as often as you like. It expresses the attitude I’d like you to embody: I commit to discovering my Upper Limit behaviors, and to having a good time while I’m learning about them. You can learn a lot more with a spirit of wonder and enjoyment than you can with an attitude of criticism. Make a list of your Upper Limit behaviors. Here are some of the most common ones: Worrying Blame and criticism Getting sick or hurt Squabbling Hiding significant feelings Not keeping agreements Not speaking significant truths to the relevant people. (If you’re mad at John, he’s the relevant person to talk to. It doesn’t help to tell Fred that you’re mad at John.) Deflecting. (Brushing off compliments is a good example of deflecting) When you notice yourself doing one of the things on your Upper Limit list, such as worrying, or failing to communicate some truth, shift your attention to the real issue: expanding your capacity for abundance, love, and success. Consciously let yourself make more room in your awareness for abundance, love, and success. Use the resources of your whole being, not just your mind. For example, feel more love in your chest and heart area. Savor the body feeling, as well as the mental satisfaction, of success and abundance. Embrace a new story that tells about your adventures in your Zone of Genius. Find a new mythology, or make up one of your own, that shows you enjoying your life in the full radiance of your expressed potential. ==========- Highlight on Page 119 | Loc. 1330-38 | Added on Monday, January 28, 2013, 10:23 PMThere is a huge fear underneath every complaint: If I took the Big Leap into my Zone of Genius, I might fail. What if I really opened up to my true genius and found that my genius wasn’t good enough? Better to keep the genie in the bottle and coast along in the Zone of Excellence. That way I don’t have to risk taking a Big Leap and finding it isn’t good enough. That way I don’t have to risk discovering the ugly possibility that I don’t have a Zone of Genius. Unless you’re very lucky or very enlightened, you’re likely to hear those nattering voices and feel those nagging fears within you. They’re part of the deal. I won’t try to talk you out of them, and you shouldn’t try to talk yourself out of them, either. Just notice the voices and feel the fears. That’s all you need to do with them. You don’t need to rid yourself of them. Where would they go, anyway? All you need to do is acknowledge them, wave to them, let them know you’re aware of them. Then get busy learning to live in your Zone of Genius. ==========- Highlight on Page 147 | Loc. 1631 | Added on Tuesday, January 29, 2013, 07:37 PMI expand in abundance, success, and love every day, as I inspire those around me to do the same. ==========- Highlight on Page 149 | Loc. 1648-57 | Added on Tuesday, January 29, 2013, 07:41 PMTo use the USM as a formal meditation, find a place where you can sit quietly for five to ten minutes. Close your eyes, and rest for a minute or so until your system settles down. Once every fifteen to twenty seconds, whisper the USM softly to yourself; say the words quietly in your mind, like a faint thought. You don’t need to pronounce the words distinctly, as long as you can feel the concept of the USM. It will go like this: Whisper the USM softly to yourself. (It takes me five to seven seconds to do this.) Pause and rest with an open mind for ten to fifteen seconds. (This is about the time it takes for two slow, easy breaths.) Whisper the USM softly to yourself again. Pause and rest with an open mind for ten to fifteen seconds. Continue like this for five to ten minutes. When you feel you’re at a good stopping place, pause and rest for a minute or two before returning to your normal activities. ==========- Highlight on Page 154 | Loc. 1706-9 | Added on Tuesday, January 29, 2013, 07:59 PMCommitment gets you started and propels you through the early stages of any game, but it’s recommitment that ignites your reserves when you feel like you’re going to give up. Those moments of low energy are inevitable (in my experience, at least) when you’re on a quest for any worthy goal. The saving move in that moment is to renew your commitment. ==========