Books like Eat That Frog!: 21 Great Ways to Stop Procrastinating and Get More Done in Less Time

A self-development book that seems like a long PowerPoint presentation, with tons of quotes from people I never heard of. So I'm supposed to be inspired and motivated by a certain Jonathan Smerkfeese who says "Procrastination. Such a bad, bad thing"?What I learned from this book, however, is how to write a self-development book. Let me share these ten easy steps with you:Step number one: Pick a title. Nothing revolutionary. Any mind-numbing sequence of words can turn into a title. The Princess in the Dungeon? Sure! This could be a book about spotting pedophiles.Step number two: Start with an introduction filled with over-promises. Don't worry about under-delivering; it's the reader's responsibility to change, yours is to get them all psyched up about needing that change.Step number three: Come up with chapter titles, and dig for random quotes to use at the beginning of each chapter.Step number four: Write small paragraphs of supposedly motivating and inspiring bunkum. Write as many paragraphs as possible. Don't be shy, repeat the same point over and over again until you bring it home, then take it out again, then back home again. Step number five: Do not forget to throw in as many general statements as possible. "A lot of Americans think... All successful people say... Everyone knows that..." The fountain of credibility. This is it. Drink from it and quench everyone's thirst.Step number six: Include a step-by-step guide to something. Anything. The "step-by-step" part is irrelevant; the order doesn't matter.Step number seven: Come up with an acronym, then design a method around it. Like, from the top of my head, the S.N.A.C.K. method. What is the mighty S.N.A.C.K. method you ask? I'm glad you got that curiosity gene in you! S.N.A.C.K. stands for Stare Nonchalantly At Cute Kid. Learn to identify people with the S.N.A.C.K. behavior, and you got yourself a certificate, delivered personally from me, on how to spot pedophiles.Step number eight: Tell people what to do. Tell the reader to close one eye, lift an arm 67° in the air, lean on the fridge, and then proceed to remember all the people they saw in the mall that day, for potential pedophiles. Step number nine: Go crazy with formatting. Bold, underline and italicize. As Rose Taxtbeest says, "When you italicize words, you actually put pretty dresses on them." Step number ten: At the end of each chapter, no matter how short and irrelevant, present the reader with a quick summary. Then, add borders to that block of text. Whatever you said there has now become official and formal.That's it. If you can write/type, you can be an author. There is a readership out there for every kind of hokum.