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You Learn by Living: Eleven Keys for a More Fulfilling Life

This is a great book that discusses what we should seek in a politician. Eleanor Roosevelt's control and calm is what I admire most. She was comfortable in her own skin by the time her husband and her best friend, Tommy, died, when she wrote this book. She was well situated financially, but it was more than that: she gives examples of people who never did learn, in all their years, how giving is more rewarding than taking, and sharing is what a good life is all about. And she ought to know. Eleanor Roosevelt became a force and a celebrity in her lifetime despite suffering in childhood from great shyness. She wasn’t pretty and she was inexperienced, and in the man’s world of the time, she was often underestimated. She learned early that discipline gave one some breathing space in a confusing and fast-paced world. This is a personal book, but because she was a public figure from marriage, she includes observations about public life as well. Many of the difficulties that are crippling us as citizens now were already apparent when she wrote this in the late 1950’s. "If people come up the financial ladder but still maintain a low educational standard, with its lack of appreciation of many of the things of artistic and spiritual value, the nation will not be able to grow to its real stature."This is true for our leaders as well. Not only do we need boldness in our leaders, we need a lack of corruption, and values that elevate the chores we must undertake to allow states their individuality at the same time they add heft and stability to the group we call a nation. "Nobody really does anything alone." Our greatness, if we have any, is ever only displayed in relation to, in concert with, our fellow citizens. Like happiness, greatness means nothing in solitude. The last chapter of this book is called Learning to be a Public Servant. Our consciousness has been raised lately and we are much better aware of what we think constitutes a good public servant, so reading this chapter refreshes for us what kind of person we are looking for to lead us in government. The first thing E.R. notes in this chapter is that few people begin their careers planning to run for office. Politics provides an uncertain future because one’s position comes up for reassessment every couple of years. And secondly, politics is not generally as remunerative as other careers. A competent person will be generally looking for stability and security in a career so that politics, if it comes up at all, is an accidental or situational possibility. If a person decides to run for office they must be sure they have enough money to do so: that is, they must be able to take the risk of losing the job again and therefore not be forced into compromises that tarnish either the candidate or the office.The family of the prospective politician must be thoroughly onboard with such an uncertain life in the public eye. And the politician must truly love people and his/her constituency to be able to spend all the time one needs to do the job well on their behalf. He/she is the conduit to introduce the particulars of his/her own state to the nation, to the world, and at the same time bring the world and the nation’s interests back home to his state, explaining on both sides and seeking agreement between needs. E.R. talks about ‘timing,’ and how important it is for a politician to sense the best time to propose, the moment one can be assured one’s attitudes will be rewarded with agreement and compliance. The politician must be able to move people towards new ideas and grasp the moment that is auspicious for general acceptance. It helps, she says, for a politician to be able to draw people to himself/herself. The only reason E.R. did not talk more about women in politics, she says, is because women seem to be more sensitive to criticism than men, and therefore take themselves out of the fray. Even that holds some truths for us today.We live in a world in a state of flux, she wrote in 1960…"The problems are new…To meet these new challenges we look for new ingredients in our public servants, an elasticity and flexibility of mind that enables them to change to meet changes; an alert and hospitable intelligence that can grasp new issues, new conditions, new peoples. We look especially for a man who knows that he thinks and can make his views clearly understood without ambiguity or hedging…It is no longer possible for us to look back over our shoulders if we are to keep abreast of our world, let alone maintain leadership. We cannot say “Nothing has changed,’ or ‘The old ways were best.’ The point is that the old conditions are gone and we are left confronting the new."What is so very interesting about Eleanor Roosevelt is that she says she is an optimist but does not believe “everything will have a happy ending.” She writes that she had seen too many examples where this was not true. Instead, she is congenitally hopeful, in part because she believes that we can remake our world when things get out of whack. And most instructive of all is what she says of youth:"There is no human growth without the acceptance of responsibility and I think it should be developed as soon as it reasonably can be…it is often people who refuse to assume any responsibility who are apt to be the sharpest critics of those who do…Nearly every one of us, at some time or other, thinks what a great waste and pity it is that the older generation cannot teach the younger generation, cannot share their experiences, cannot save the young their mistakes…and yet it is possible this is the best way. After all, so much that the older generation learned is wrong! And perhaps they didn’t always learn as much by their experience as they thought they did."Most of the chapters begin with a strong statement, for instance: "Happiness is a by-product, not a goal."The rest of the chapter is a casual, articulate discussion of the topic with examples from her life. It must have been the crowd she hung with, but juvenile delinquency referred to drunken brats from wealthy families making no effort to involve themselves with important themes and jobs. The poor, she theorizes, see how important they are to the cohesion and survival of the family group so they do not have similar problems.Look how things have changed in fifty years, that the poor see no future for themselves and so can sometimes set themselves at cross purposes to that of the larger society. This, and drug abuse rather than alcohol, have changed the dynamic. The wealthy have not as much security as before, so must continually scramble, besides the fact that the ceiling has been lifted on wealth. No longer is it crass, crude, and criminal to flaunt one’s wealth in the faces of, and obtained at the expense of, those with less.E.R. is so grounded and unfussy, so kind and humble that we wonder if such a person could exist today. Much of what she says I recognize as the attitudes of earlier generations of women in my family. Those women are all dead now, but there is some comfort in reading someone articulate where they got their firm views about what is expected of individuals and citizens. This was a comforting, insightful book to read at this time, to give us perspective, and hope.
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