Books like Woman's Inhumanity to Woman

"Sexism is complicated." This book is a giant sociological study that took the author 21 years to complete. I spent about two hours with it. I came to this book with one agenda: to find tools and answers to better my own close relationships with other women. I needed language for my confusing feelings. We all know (or should know) what is normally considered "drama" among women is serious direct and indirect violence that crosses class, race, and gender lines. We're talking women throwing acid into each other's faces, both literally and metaphorically, and it being reduced to "drama." It's an extremely psychologically devastating experience, one that easily triggers existential crises. It's a problem that most if not all women experience. It's a violence we are told to disregard, as people throw around the "girls, girls, please don't fight" line or "it's just drama", and indeed, the physical violence men incur against women is at once more visually horrendous and simpler to understand. However, I found myself, a mature young lady, treating one of my best friends like crap. I had absolutely no language for why I was doing this, and knew I wasn't the type to just "start drama". It was more complicated than that. I knew I loved her--why would I treat her this way? I went to the bookstore (agnostic's place of worship?) to seek out a more educated voice giving me background for why I might have those feelings to begin with. The book delivered. The term "psychological ethics" was a relief to hear. What are the causes of low psychological ethics? Her answer, in the case of the indirect violence women invoke on each other, was--surprise!--internalized sexist views that are encouraged by a institutionalized sexism. Plus 10,000 years of oppression.So, the paragraph: "[As a result of internalized sexist views,] women unconsciously expect constant nurturing from other women, and this expectation is irrational. In reality, normal women are quite aggressive and competitive toward other women. Women have been taught to deny this. The denial leads to grudge-holding, rumor-mongering, slander, and ostracism. This sort of indirect aggression is painful to experience, since most women also depend on other women for emotional intimacy, friendship, and social approval. It is important to encourage women to express what they think and feel directly, openly, in the here-and-now. Women will learn that doing so will not kill anyone and that truth-telling does not have to lead to female disapproval or rejection."