Books like The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole, Aged 13 3/4

Hilariously incongruous! :) This kid is so disgusting that I loved it!Q:Anyway I think I’m turning into an intellectual. It must be all the worry. (c)Q:Eight days have gone by since Christmas Day but my mother still hasn’t worn the green lurex apron I bought her for Christmas! She will get bathcubes next year. (c)Q:I felt rotten today. It’s my mother’s fault for singing ‘My Way’ at two o’clock in the morning at the top of the stairs. Just my luck to have a mother like her. There is a chance my parents could be alcoholics. Next year I could be in a children’s home (c)Q:My father has got the flu. I’m not surprised with the diet we get. My mother went out in the rain to get him a vitamin C drink, but as I told her, ‘It’s too late now’. It’s a miracle we don’t get scurvy. (c)Q:Serve her right if she was murdered because of the dog. (c)Q:I will look up ‘Epiphany’ in my new dictionary. (c)Q:I found a word in my dictionary that describes my father. It is malingerer. He is still in bed guzzling vitamin C. (c)Q:It was cough, cough, cough last night. If it wasn’t one it was the other. You’d think they’d show some consideration after the hard day I’d had. (c)Q:My father is in a bad mood. This means he is feeling better. (c)Q:Now I know I am an intellectual. I saw Malcolm Muggeridge on the television last night, and I understood nearly every word. It all adds up. A bad home, poor diet, not liking punk. I think I will join the library and see what happens. It is a pity there aren’t any more intellectuals living round here. (c)Q:I read a bit of Pride and Prejudice, but it was very old–fashioned. I think Jane Austen should write something a bit more modern. (c)Q:I lent Pandora my blue felt-tip pen to colour round the British Isles. I think she appreciates these small attentions. (c)Q:My mother is looking for a job! Now I could end up a delinquent roaming the streets and all that. And what will I do during the holidays? (c)Q:I think my mother is being very selfish. She won’t be any good in a job anyway. She isn’t very bright and she drinks too much at Christmas. (c)Q:I got an old man called Bert Baxter. He is eighty-nine so I don’t suppose I’ll have him for long. (c)Q:My mother has got an interview for a job. She is practising her typing and not doing any cooking. So what will it be like if she gets the job? My father should put his foot down before we are a broken home. (c)Q:Nigel’s parents haven’t got a car because his father’s got a steel plate in his head and his mother is only four feet eleven inches tall. It’s not surprising Nigel has turned out bad really, with a maniac and a midget for parents. (c)Q:Perhaps when I am famous and my diary is discovered people will understand the torment of being a 13¾-year-old undiscovered intellectual. (c)Q:6 PM Pandora! My lost love! Now I will never stroke your treacle hair! (Although my blue felt-tip is still at your disposal.) (c)Q:My father looked pale when he came home from the vet’s, he kept saying ‘It’s money down the drain’, and he said that from now on the dog can only be fed on leftovers from his plate. This means the dog will soon starve. (c)Q:I wish my parents would be a bit more thoughtful. I have been through an emotional time and I need my sleep. Still I don’t expect them to understand what it is like being in love. They have been married for fourteen-and-a-half years. (c)Q:I asked my mother if she would get home early from work tonight, I’m fed up with waiting for my tea. She didn’t. (c)Q:If I was the loneliest person in the world I wouldn’t phone up our school. I would ring the speaking clock; that talks to you every ten seconds. (c)Q:My mother is reading The Female Eunuch, by Ger-maine Greer. My mother says it is the sort of book that changes your life. It hasn’t changed mine, but I only glanced through it. It is full of dirty words. ...I had my first wet dream! So my mother was right about The Female Eunuch. It has changed my life. (c)Q:My mother has not done any proper housework for days now. All she does is go to work, comfort Mr Lucas and read and smoke. The big-end has gone on my father’s car. I had to show him where to catch a bus into town. A man of forty not knowing where the bus stop is! (c)Q:Septuagesima (c)Q:My mother has gone to a woman’s workshop on assertiveness training. Men aren’t allowed. I asked my father what ‘assertiveness training’ is. He said ‘God knows, but whatever it is, it’s bad news for me’. (c)Q:'Things are very bad between me and Pauline, and all we are arguing over now is who doesn’t get custody of Adrian’. Surely my father made a mistake. He must have meant who did get custody of me. (c)Q:What will he do with all that money? My mother says he will buy another bigger house. How stupid can you get? If I had thirty thousand pounds I would wander the world having experiences. ... When I came back from the world I would be tall, brown and full of ironical experiences and Pandora would cry into her pillow at night because of the chance she missed to be Mrs Pandora Mole. I would qualify to be a vet in record time then I would buy a farmhouse. I would convert one room into a study so that I could have somewhere quiet to be intellectual in. (c)Q:My parents are eating different things at different times, so I usually have six meals a day because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. (c)Q:The television is in my room now because they couldn’t decide who it belongs to. I can lie in bed and watch the late-night horror. (c)Q:But I haven’t really got a friend any more, it must be because I’m an intellectual. I expect people are in awe of me. (c)Q:This weekend with Nigel has really opened my eyes! Without knowing it I have been living in poverty for the past fourteen years. I have had to put up withinferior accommodation, lousy food and paltry pocket money. If my father can’t provide a decent standard of living for me on his present salary, then he will just have to start looking for another job. (с)Q:Today is the day that Jesus escaped from the cave. I expect that Houdini got the idea from him. (c)Q:I asked Mr Vann which O levels you need to write situation comedy for television. Mr Vann said that you don’t need qualifications at all, you just need to be a moron. (c)Q:My father is in trouble for staying out late last night. Honestly! He is the same age as the milk jug so surely he can come in what time he likes! (c)Q:It is all round the school that an old lady of seventy-six frightened Barry Kent and his dad into returning my menaces money. Barry Kent daren’t show his face. His gang are electing a new leader. (c)Q:Finished last bell at 11.25 PM. Know just how Rembrandt must have felt after painting the Sistine Chapel in Venice. (c)Q:It was quite a shock to see Doreen Slater for the first time. Why my father wanted to have carnal knowledge of her I can’t imagine. She is as thin as a stick insect. She has got no bust and no bum. (c)Q:Maxwell started to cry, the dog started to bark, so I went back to my black room and counted howmany things were now showing through the paint: a hundred and seventeen! (c)Q:I was feeling rebellious, so I wore red socks. It is strictly forbidden but I don’t care any more. (c)Q:My father was in bed when I got home; he was having his impotence cured. (c)Q:Mrs Ball has got a daughter who is a writer. I asked her how her daughter qualified to be one. Mrs Ball said that her daughter was dropped on her head as a child and has been ‘a bit queer’ ever since. (c)Q:At 5 AM they decided to climb the mountain! I pointed out to them that they were blind drunk, too old, unqualified, unfit and lacking in any survival techniques, had no first-aid kit, weren’t wearing stout boots, and had no compass, map or sustaining hot drinks. My protest fell on deaf ears. (c)Q:‘How do you think I feel living with a lesbian’s estranged husband?' (c)Q:Lucas fell in the burn (Scottish for ‘little river’) but unfortunately it was too shallow to drown in. (c)Q:Had a long talk with Mr Dock. I explained that I was a one-parent-family child with an unemployed, bad-tempered father. Mr Dock said he wouldn’t care if I was the offspring of a black, lesbian, one-legged mother and an Arab, leprous, hump-backed-dwarf father so long as my essays were lucid, intelligent and unpretentious. So much for pastoral care! (c)Q:It was on the news today that the British Museum is thinking of banning school parties. (c)Q:I disagree with Sakharov’s analysis of the causes of the revivalism of Stalinism. We are doing Russia at school so I speak from knowledge. (c)I have a feeling that whole countries have adopted exactly this entertaining but dumbass attitude recently.Q:I can’t understand why my father looks so old at forty-one compared to President Reagan at seventy. My father has got no work or worries yet he looks dead haggard. Poor President Reagan has to carry the world’s safety on his shoulders yet he is always smiling and looking cheerful. (c)Q:I am seriously thinking of giving everything up and running away to be a tramp. I would quite enjoy the life, providing I could have a daily bath. (c)Q:My mother reads anything; she is prostituting her literacy. (c)Q:I am reading How Children Fail, by John Holt. It is dead good. If I fail my O levels it will be all my parents’ fault. (c)