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The Horror at Camp Jellyjam

2003R. L. Stine

3.4/5

"And what about Mom and Dad?" I demanded. "They couldn't have driven very far before they realized the trailer had come loose. Why haven't they found us? Why hasn't the camp found them?"Elliot shrugged. "Beats me," he replied casually. He dodged past me and started to the door. "Wendy, you're just unhappy because you stink at sports. But I'm having a great time here. Don't mess it up for me - okay?"R.L. Stine must have been on some serious substances in 1995 because this book is flippin' insane. The ending is so bizarre and so weird and so disturbing I am unsure whether there is a kid in existence who could take this seriously.The book starts out shakily. Wendy (12) and her brother Elliot (11) are on a road trip with their parents. They go into the trailer their parents are hauling behind their car to play. The trailer gets separated from the car and the kids roll downhill only to open the door and find themselves in the middle of a sports camp called King Jellyjam's. o.O A camp counselor with the dubious name of "Buddy" offers to let them stay at camp. The kids go off with a strange man named Buddy, into the woods. o.OThe camp is loaded with kids and huge sports complexes. Everyone is very competitive and serious about winning. Every time you win at a sport, you are awarded with a gold coin with the image of a purple blob - King Jellyjam - stamped into it. If you get six coins you get to walk the Winners' Walk, which is a huge honor.Wendy and Elliot - seemingly unperturbed that they are separated from their likely frantic parents - start entering swim races and ping-pong tournaments. The highly competitive Elliot thinks he's in heaven. After a few competitions, Wendy finally remembers she has a set of parents and gets the bright idea to call home. She has to find a pay phone because, hey, this is 1995. However - get this - she gets distracted from calling her parents after locating said payphone by her dorm-mates and forgets to call home. The mind boggles.When she finally picks up the thread again, 8 chapters later, she realizes the phones are rigged so that no one can make outgoing calls. Okay, that was scary, I have to admit.Wendy, who is not as athletically-inclined as her brother, has noticed some strange(r) things about camp. Like the small earthquakes that happen multiple times a day. And the fact that everyone who has walked the Winners' Walk has mysteriously vanished, never to be seen again. And she sees the counselors hurrying to some unknown meeting place late at night when all the campers are in bed.Okay, here is what's going on: (view spoiler)[A giant purple blob with a gold crown on its head is living underground. Is it a demon? An alien? Unknown. The children who have won six competitions - the "Winners" - have the dubious honor of scrubbing the purple blob, who stinks really, really badly. It hates its own stench, apparently, and forces the "strongest kids" who have proven themselves by winning at sports (!?!?!!?) to scrub him day and night. The exhausted overworked children are being held prisoner and forced to do slave labor underground. The counselors are hypnotized (?) to worship the giant purple thing. Unknown as to how the purple thing did this. Unknown as to why he can't hypnotize the children.Also, he sweats snails. Yes, snails are popping out of his body at a rapid rate. Apparently snails' origins are the underground secretions of a giant purple monster. o.OWhere is the camp getting these children? Wouldn't people notice tons of missing kids? Who is funding the amazing sports arenas at the camp and the tons of food consumed by the children and counselors? Never mind. Things get even weirder. Do you know how the beast dies?!?! Do you!?!?! Wendy tells everyone to lie flat on the floor. The fat blobby thing is unable to pick them up with its chubby fingers and once it stops being constantly washed it suffocates to death on its own stench. Yes. You read that right. o.O This book has WTF? written all over it. I can't believe anyone would believe children would want to read this garbage. It's fucking insulting to children's intelligence. (hide spoiler)]
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