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Goldilocks and the Three Bears

1988James Marshall

1.2/5

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Goldilocks, who was very interested in online reviewing. She was out in the woods one day, when, walking past a house picturesquely called Bear Cottage, she glanced through the window and happened to notice three books lying on the table. No one seemed to be around, so she opened the door and went in. She looked at the first book, which was called Les 120 journées de Sodome ou l'école du libertinage, by the Marquis de Sade. Not only was it full of the most disgusting descriptions of sexual torture, it was in eighteenth century French! No, no, thought Goldilocks, this book is too hard.She flicked through the next book, Princess Daisy, by Judith Krantz. Apart from a little rape, incest and lesbian action, there was hardly anything to interest a modern girl. No, no, thought Goldilocks, this book is too soft.She picked up the third book, and found it was Fifty Shades of Grey, by E.L. James! Goldilocks had begged to be allowed to read mommyporn, but her mother, a rather strict woman, insisted that she would have to wait until she was ten. Evidently Mrs. Bear was more permissive. Goldilocks quickly posted negative reviews of the first two books on her iPad and settled down to enjoy her new acquisition. She was having such a good time that she didn't even hear the bears come home. Since they immediately went to their laptops, they didn't see her either. But after a moment, she heard an angry growl from Mr. Bear. "Someone's been off-topic on my book!" he said with a slight French accent.Mrs. Bear was not far behind. Smarting from the irrelevant insults that Goldilocks had heaped on her favorite writer, she joined her voice to her husband's. "Someone's been off-topic on my book!" she complained bitterly.Baby Bear looked around for her copy of Fifty Shades, eager to continue with the first bondage scene, but couldn't find it anywhere. Suddenly, looking behind the couch, she found Golilocks not only reading it but also posting flippant updates on Goodreads."Someone's been off-topic on my book," she yelped, "and she's doing it right now!""Alors," said Mr. Bear in his French way. "I think you'll just have to close down her account".THE ENDThis work by Manny is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License
Picture of a book: Goldilocks and the Three Bears

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